


Oh (Deadly) Christmas Tree

by Strange and Intoxicating -rsa- (strangeandintoxicating)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A belated Christmas gift, And a special other gift for you., M/M, Shiro and Keith chop down a tree and get more than what the bargained for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 04:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangeandintoxicating/pseuds/Strange%20and%20Intoxicating%20-rsa-
Summary: Oh, Deadly Christmas tree,Oh, Deadly Christmas tree,How lovely your orange spikes are!Keith and Shiro get more than what they bargained for when they bring home an orange Christmas tree from the Panailix System.





	Oh (Deadly) Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [feiro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feiro/gifts).



> This is a Christmas Present for Milo for the Sheith Secret Santa! I am so sorry that it took so long to finish this—I’ll save you the groveling and tell you that I’m out of the hospital and I absolutely have two other presents that are in progress for you! One of them goes with this one as a sequel...
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Keith should have known from the minute Shiro looked at him with that sly, half-smile that Christmas would not be going quite as planned.

“What exactly are you asking me to do…?”

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Shiro supplied with a little shrug. It was so nonchalant that for a moment Keith believed him. That was, of course, until he saw the way Shiro _smiled_.

There was an entire world of things behind Shiro’s smiles, and Keith knew this one very, _very_ , well.

He knew this one _exceedingly_ well.

“Whatever you’re going to ask me for… no.”

“Keith…”

“Don’t beg, Shiro. It doesn’t look good on you.”

That was a flat-out lie; Shiro looked good in everything, but especially when he was trying to be sneaky. _Particularly_ when he was trying to be sneaky. It was in the way his dark grey eyes glittered and the curve of his smile.

Shiro leaned down, resting one hand on his hip and the other on the glasses resting precariously on top of the bridge of his nose. “At least let me tell you what I wanted to ask?” His voice was so smooth it made Keith melt… but just a little.

Keith leaned up close to Shiro, running his hands through Shiro’s platinum white hair. It felt strong and smooth under his fingertips, and Shiro let out a sigh when Keith let his fingers scratch just against the little spot behind Shiro’s ears..

“Whatever it is,” Keith murmured as he leaned up close to his husband, “the answer is still no.”

But, Keith knew, once Shiro had something in his head that he really wanted it wouldn’t matter whether Keith wanted to do it or not.  Anything for Shiro. That was how it always was, always would be.

If Shiro asked for Keith to move the stars, Keith would figure out a way to do it. Just… there would have to be a little bit of a fight, first.

Just a little one before Keith gave in.

He always gave in.

“Look, I know you’re really not big into Christmas, but… I really want a tree. It doesn’t even have to be big—”

“Babe,” Keith countered before Shiro even got to finish his sentence. “We’re in the middle of the Panailix System. How exactly are we supposed to get a Christmas tree?”

“I’m sure there are trees somewhere in the system…” Shiro supplied, but Keith stole another quick kiss before he could continue. “Just a little one. They won’t even miss it.”

“They’re _orange_ , Shiro. They’re orange and poisonous and I’m pretty sure that Acxa said they like to eat small furry creatures.”

“Then it’s a good thing we don’t have any small animals.”

“Kosmo—”

“Is a massive cosmic wolf that can travel through space and time. I’m sure a little tree wouldn’t really bother him.”

Keith let out a little laugh, though it changed into a sound very, very different as Shiro leaned down to nibble on his earlobe. Keith had to stop himself from letting out a whine when Shiro nipped playfully at the junction between his ear and his neck.

“Y—you can’t win by making me feel good.”

Shiro nibbled a little harder, if that was even possible.

Keith let out a half-pant before threading his hands through Shiro’s hair, both mournful and joyous as Shiro’s teeth made one last, sorrowful, nip before they parted.

“Shiro, I’m not going to go cut down a Panailix tree. What part of orange and poisonous sounds nice to you?”

“The part where we can decorate it and have a real Christmas… our _first_ Christmas.”

This wasn’t necessarily their first Christmas together, but it was their first _married_ Christmas. Keith felt the platinum band around his ring finger pulse—a little Olkarian magic or science, that allowed Keith to feel Shiro’s heart beat against his hand.

He could also feel something else, though he wasn’t quite ready to tell Shiro about that yet.

That was the Christmas present that would be waiting under the tree. Well, if they could find a tree—preferably one that didn’t poison them all.

Still Shiro was excited for the tree; that much, Keith knew, was clear as day. He didn’t even need the ring to know that, but still… It felt nice.

“We should have a tree… make it a real family event. You… You know how I feel about Chirstmas.”

Of course—Shiro’s grandfather had loved the tradition, and it was one of the few Non-Japanese holidays that Shiro thought really meant something. Peace, friendship, good will to men—it was all of the things that Keith loved about Shiro mixed into one little day.

He hoped that when the time came that Shiro would be ready to share that gift with someone else. 

Sure, Keith knew that he was more than a little bit of a Scrooge on Christmas, but it felt only right that they celebrated it the best way they could, even if it meant that they were undoubtedly about to break at least ten inter-planetary laws in regards to space exploration and misuse of indigenous wildlife and fauna.

Still…

“Do we really need the tree?”

Keith could tell from the way Shiro twisted his head just the right way and pressed his lips against Keith’s that yes, he really did expect the poisonous tree.

“After everything we’ve been through… after all of it… you’re scared of a little tree?” Shiro smiled against his lips.

Keith blew out a little huff of air, enjoying the thin lines that crinkled right at the edges of Shiro’s eyes.

“Well, it can’t be that hard, can it? I mean, it’s just a **tree**.”

* * *

 

It’s just a **_tree_ **.

Famous last words, Keith thought as he stared at the monstrosity in front of them—at the monstrosity that had overtaken their little living room. There was a bowl on the ground, reddish-brown liquid splashed across the metal flooring like a crime scene. The tree stood in the center, it little teeth busy chomping down on the Gividian steaks that Keith had been marinating for two days.

Two _days_ all gone with a simple:

**_Chomp, chomp, gulp._ **

It was a little bit Keith’s fault. He probably shouldn’t have thrown the steaks when the tree had suddenly moved from its tree stand.

“I… I didn’t even know trees could do that.” There’s no emotion in Shiro’s voice; he was far too shell-shocked. He was blinking but clearly not seeing, and Keith could understand exactly why.

This wasn’t how Christmas was supposed to go. It was supposed to be easy—cut down the tree, add a little tinsel and a few lights and baubles, then drink some eggnog and get a little too frisky for their own good in the light of the tree after Keith shared his present. That was the plan, because that was what they deserved.

Nothing complicated, nothing scary, and absolutely no trees eating their Gividian steaks and eyeing them as though they were dessert.

Alas.

“They’re not _supposed_ to,” Keith grumbled as he held up the pommel of one of his training swords that he grabbed as a last-minute form of protection. The wood had been thoroughly mashed to paper. No point in keeping it, now. His blade was tucked into his belt, but using it against a tree?

“But… why?” There was a little more emotion there, but even then…. Keith had no idea what he could possibly tell his husband other than a simple shrug and a kiss on his shoulder. Keith took extra care not to kiss the shoulder that the tree had walloped him on; there wasn’t really any need to rub salt in that particular wound.

Keith closed his eyes and focused on his stomach. The thrumming in his stomach was faint, but definitely there. 

The tree had been so easy to find, the locals of the  Panailix System far too happy to point them in the direction of the trees. The way they had stared in awe and admiration should have been another warning sign for Keith to make them turn around, but the way Shiro held his hand and talked about all of the memories he had of his childhood Christmases… it had been impossible to tell Shiro no, to break that bit of boyish wonder from Shiro’s heart. So, even if it meant tying up and then chopping down an ugly orange tree, well…

He’d done harder things before. He was sure that he would do harder things into the future, too.

Still… the tree hadn’t seemed too bad when they first chopped it down and dragged it back to the ship. Hell, it had even smelled faintly of pine, something that Shiro had been more than happy to comment on. Keith was glad that Shiro had resisted the urge to bury his entire face into those orange needles, especially considering how one of them had managed to burrow its way right into the steel walls.

“Keith… why?” Shiro asked again, and Keith took a moment to stare at the gnarled teeth and the rolling green film that seemed to be oozing from the bark like ectoplasm.

“Who knows?” But Keith knew that Shiro wouldn’t accept the answer, but he hoped at least Shiro wound give him a minute to think up a solution to the problem… the problem being, of course, the tree.

The very ugly, very _angry_ Christmas tree.

“We could chop it into firewood?” Keith offered.

The tree seemed to understand what they were saying because the moment the words left his mouth the orange monstrosity _growled_.

“Um. I think that might be a…”

“Yeaaaah.” Keith stared at the tree’s lower branches, noticing that there was definitely something that looked very much like teeth along the bark near the base. The fact that they had gotten the tree into their quarters was either a stroke of luck or stupidity.

The tree burped loudly, the smell of the Gividian marinade wafting up like the mockery it was.

Keith twitched, hand slowly reaching for his mother’s sword. He could see Shiro in the corner of his eye, the way his husband made a small motion with his hand—Keith knew exactly what Shiro was saying without words.

One short nod was all that Keith gave before tossing his sword to Shiro, calling his bayard to him just as the tree began to thrash around, spitting orange needles out like an angry porcupine and its quills. Keith ducked out of the way of the quills aimed at his face, the loud clang of them hitting into his bayard sending reverberations right down to his hands.

That was definitely  _not_ normal.

“Keith! Duck!”

Keith, knowing that the best thing to do when Shiro told him something was to do it, dropped to his belly and flipped himself on his back, swinging his legs out towards where the tree’s teeth were gnashing towards him. His boots smashed hard into the mouth, sending the tree reeling backward.

Using the moment of confusion, Keith called the bayard to change, the thick metal shimmering between his fingers before changing completely into a long, glimmer sword.

“Now!”

Shiro thrust Keith’s blade at the same time as Keith turned to slash. The light around the tree glowed and the tree let out a long, furious scream before shuddering to a stop. The tree’s body quivered in place as though someone were shaking it, and just as quickly as it had come to life it let out one last pitiful mewl and _died_.

Or, well, at least Keith thought it died. From the way all of the orange needles suddenly fell from the branches, Keith really couldn’t imagine it was anything else.

“What the fu—”

“No more trees. No more **trees**.”

Shiro flopped down onto the floor next to Keith, throwing down Keith’s blade onto the ground next to them. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound being that of their harsh breathing, before suddenly—

“It isn’t _that_ funny.”

But Keith couldn’t contain his laughter, because yes, it _was_.

“It tried to kill you. It ate our steaks!”

But the laughter only came harder until Keith’s eyes burned with tears and he began to cough from lack of oxygen.

All Shiro managed was a snort that very well could have been a grunt as he threw his hand over Keith’s stomach, pulling his husband close.

“It was y—yo—your idea!”

“It was my idea,” Shiro deadpanned as he grabbed on to Keith’s shirt, fingers turning white. “No more trees.”

Keith managed to press a kiss against his husband’s head, the giddy laughter and light-headedness from the rush of adrenaline leaving him blissfully exhausted.

“We have no Christmas dinner.”

“I’m sure we’ll think of something. And Shiro?”

“Hn?”

“Next time we’re on earth, pick up a plastic tree?” Keith paused for just a moment before grabbing hold of Shiro’s hand. He pressed it gently against his stomach. “I want the baby to know what a real Christmas is.”

The ring around Keith’s finger stuttered for a moment before **_pulsing_ **. 

“R—really?”

”Yeah.” It may not have been exactly as Keith had planned—they definitely wouldn’t be getting frisky surrounded by poisonous needles—but...

It worked.

”So... you promise?”

Shiro leaned down and pressed a kiss against Keith’s still-flat belly.

“Promise.”


End file.
